I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize