I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
