Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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