"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize