I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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