There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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