Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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