oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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