You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
