I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
