and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
