whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
