you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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