I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
