OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
