proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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