I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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