I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
