apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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