So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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