just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
