I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
