I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
