he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
