I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
