weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
