After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
