look no pants
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
