when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
