i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
