i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
