Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
