id be glad to
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
