yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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