people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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