i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
