You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
