i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
