Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
