I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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