my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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