Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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