Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
