Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
