but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
