Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
