I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
