I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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