Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
