Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
