She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
