Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
