Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
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if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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