Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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