I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
