i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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