last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
