Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
