hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
