My liver just broke up with me...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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