So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
