I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
