woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
