I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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