I will die if light touches me.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
