Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The power of my boobs compel you
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize