roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you didnt know i had herpes?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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